I've been reading a book my cousin gave me several years ago that I never bothered to read. "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," by Steven Covey. It's interesting and has some good ideas, though I don't see myself as the CEO of some big corporation anytime soon.

I've been doing lots of reflection and meditaion lately. I guess big changes can cause that. I'm finding that I like the person I'm discovering in me. She has way more strength than I thought she did. She is also more joyful and content than I would have guessed. She's a caring, compassionate person and I like spending time with her.

Maybe I'm finally growing up.

Sean and I arrived safe in Des Moines Wednesday evening and watched a little TV with my brother Dan and his lovely wife, Alissa before heading to bed. Yesterday slept in a bit then left for Omaha around noon. In Omaha, we checked into our hotel, then headed over to Dan's friend Toby's house. They've known each other since they were kids and I remember Toby hanging out at the farms for days on end while he and Dan shot up all kinds of small, furry animals. Toby's a colonel in the Army now and close to retirement. It's hard to believe that we are all getting that old.

We went to dinner at a brew pub downtown. I've been to Omaha twice in my adult life, and this is the second time I've eaten at this place. Fortunately, it's a really cool place with excellent food. I sampled their Belgian wheat beer, which was tasty. Then off the the concert.

Dan, Alissa, Toby and his son Andrew had tickets in the nose-bleed section. Sean and I were on the floor. So we split up and Sean and I started our excellect adventure. We were able to get into the front quarter of the floor during the opening band "Franz Ferdinand." They were OK, but I hated being behind the stupid 350+ pound, 6'6 idiot in front of us. Fortunately after the opening act, he decided he needed a beer, so he got out of the way. Apparently about 90% of the pwople in front of us needed beers, so the front thinned out quite a bit. Sean and I took advantage of this situation and ended about three people behind the front barricade on the center stage. Then Green Day showed up and all hell broke loose. It was pretty cool. We were close enough to see Billy Joe Armstrong's dental work, and have him sweat all over us (eww). We also got stomped on by body surfers (they were escorted out as soon as they reached the stage), and have the security gaurds water us. I did come to an interesting conclusion about half an hour into the concert. The closest experience I can compare being in that situation would be a bridge battle. You are being pressed from both the front and back, you are crammed into a tight space, you have water bearers, and occasionally you are smacked upside the head. I also spent the evening protecting my wing man (Sean) with my sword arm and protecting my flank with my sheild arm. It's a little louder than a bridge battle, but other than that it's pretty similar. I think I was glad of my Pennsic experience. I might have been freaking out if not.

We got back to Des Moines this morning and now Sean wants me to play Rock Band on the Wii. So far it's been a good vacation.

"Life is not about waiting out the storm. It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I saw this unattributed quote on a plate in a catalog. I love it. I don't usually like corny cliches, but this quote really speaks to me right now. It also kind of rolls into the Buddhist, early Christian, Universal Truth spirituality I exploring. I think it puts me in a better place.

Sean was home for a few days. He came home last Monday and left on Thursday evening for Pennsic. I missed him and now he's gone again. He will be home for good on Sunday. Then next week he and I go to see Green Day and the Iowa State Fair (not at the same time). It should be fun.

Thursday evening, I drove to Iowa City to stay with some Civil War friends. We left for Boscobel, WI Friday morning. The event was awesome. I had such a good time. I really needed that. I haven't had a good time in a while. I also needed to be out with people. I'm kind of turning into a bit of a hermit here at home. I've always been an introvert, cherishing my alone time, but lately it's been getting little out of hand.

Of course, when I got back, I had to pay for my nice weekend. I found out the girl who always animal sits for me invited some male stranger into my house on Sunday. She doesn't even know his name! She just ran into him while taking the dog for a walk and invited him back with her. Then she was dismayed when he expected sex. He finally left, but I'm really angry with her. Besides the fact that she could have been raped, she violated my home. Maybe I'm a little touchy about my home right now, but it's one of the more important things in my life right now. I knew she had common sense issues, but she's always done a great job with the animals and they genuinely like her. It never even dawned on her that she might be putting herself in a bad situation, or that I might be pissed off about some stranger scoping out my house. Now I'm making sure all of the doors are locked and have alerted the neighbors to keep their eyes out for anyone hanging around the house.

On a better note, the kitties are all in their new homes. I took two of them to the shelter and found out that the mother cat was alive and about to be adopted. They were also the best behaved kittens in the "wild cat" section of the shelter. The little runt didn't make it. He just was too weak to survive. That was sad, but there was nothing I could do to save him. I decided to keep the tortoise shell calico. Her name is Maizy and she is adorable. Right now she'd helping type this. She follows me everywhere when I'm home and is just the cutest, most friendly little thing. Considering she would run and hiss at me when I first brought them in, I think I've done a pretty good job with them. She should turn out to be a pretty good cat.

It's been about 1.5 months of single life so far. Not what I wanted at the time, but I've made some interesting observations.

1) I still am scared to death about money, but am discovering the difference between a want and a need.

2) The house is is great shape, because no one is here to mess it up, except the four legged inhabitants.

3) It's easier to get things done when you only have yourself to rely on. (I'm not sure why, maybe because I'm not waiting for someone else to do it.)

4) The only snoring I have to deal with is my own and my bedroom can be 65 degrees every night if I want.

5) My level of stress, very much to my surprise, is much lower than it has been in a very long time, even if you count #1 (maybe because of #4).

6) I love the used recliner my parents got me.

7) I don't know how things will go when Sean gets back, but I know we will work it out together.

8) I don't think any of the above justifies what (or how it) happened, but I'm feeling better.

Today I slept in (yay!), cleaned the boy's room, moved out my big dining room table and chairs and sofa, moved in my new-to-me, smaller dining room table, chairs and winged-back recliner. The smaller furniture makes the rooms look bigger and the recliner is made for short people, so it is soooo comfy.

The boy's room held two bags of trash, and four bags of clothes to give away. I need to clean the carpet sometime soon, but at least it's vacuumed and the bed is made, for now.

I'll post pictures when my computer gets fixed, which should be tomorrow.

Oh, and I did the laundry and hung it out on the line.

Now to kick back and relax.

PS - cleaned the boy's carpet just now - EWWWWW!!!

Trapped mama cat last night. She was NOT happy. I think she is way too feral to ever make a good pet, so I took her to the shelter this afternoon. I hate to do this, but at least the babies will go to resposible owners and one more fertile cat will be off the streets.

The babies are eating (and pooping) well. They have seemed to settled in a bit, though they still spit and hiss evertime I pick them up. Once I've got them, they are OK, unless Camille sticks her nose into their faces. I made her stay outside this afternoon while I was handling them. She doesn't understand why she can't play, too.

I have a serious chest cold thanks to my co-workers who couldn't stay home last week while they were sick. I went to bed last night at 6:30. I feel a little better today, but still have a nasty cough. So of course, I mowed the lawn. It had to be done, and I'm the only one to do it. I think I'll take it easy for the rest of the day. The house is clean, the dishes are done, and all I lack is putting the laundry in the dryer. I think I'll shower and take a nap.

I took down the pell on Thursday afternoon, because I'm not going to use it and I had other plans for the post (it now has a Topsy-turvy and a flower pot hanging off of it). While I was throwing away the REALLY nasty carpet it was made from I happened to look into the back window of the garage. All of Sean's baby stuff has been stored there, so there were a bunch of stuffed animals against the window. Except that some of them moved.

A feral cat had given birth the 4 kittens on top of my son's baby stuff (ironic). I called the animal shelter and they didn't have room for them, but said they would help me try to catch them. Between last night and this morning I caught all four, but I can't get the mother. They are old enough to live without her, and I'm not sure she could be tamed enough to be a pet. She's very pretty, but if I can catch her I will probably take her to the shelter. The kittens I'm fostering and socializing for the shelter because they have way to many kittens right now and they are all sick.

Here's a picture of my new kids:



So If anyone wants a kitten in a few weeks, just let me know!

Today we were walking fields for a road project north of Macomb. It started out as the typical, dewy morning (which means after a minute your pants and shoes are wringing wet), but around 10:00 we came across a small corn field that was in the project area. So we start out walking 3 meters apart in 6' tall corn (OK, so I'm mostly walking under the corn!) and immediately start finding chert that has been used in tool making. Big pieces, little pieces, pieces that were partially shaped in order to transport them to somewhere else to finish the projectile point or knife. The ENTIRE 200m X150m field is full of this stuff. So much so that in the 60m we walked into the field from the edge of the road, we were literally on our hands and knees picking stuff up there was so much. Ten 16lb bags full, and that was only about 40% of the whole field, all of which had been worked by human hands sometime long before Europeans got there.

We knew that there we limestone outcroppings along this creek farther south (chert is the hard, brittle stuff found in limestone), so we went into the woods next to the field to find the creek. What we found was amazing. There was the creek (fairly wide at this point because it is actually the confluence of two creeks) and a little water fall flowing at the bottom of the ravine, probably 50m from the site we'd just found. Came up to the waterfall and the water was ice cold. Spring water. We believe springs were sacred to the aboriginal people of the area, because we often find cool stuff associated with them. We followed the water up the the mouth of the spring and it was just beautiful. The water was coming out from under a large limestone outcropping and tumbling over rocks all on its way to the creek. Finding the large site and then the beautiful spring what archaeology is all about.

It was one of the coolest moments I've ever had on my job. It was spiritual.

For some reason these things were very important to me this weekend. I skipped out on going to see a dear friend in Springfield because getting my house in order was so important. I'm sure there is some psychological reason for the need for control when your life seems out of order. Or maybe I was so freaking tired of everything being messy. Maybe they are the same thing.

I know the house is getting to be the way I want it, and that is bringing balance and harmony to my soul today.

I did very little to celebrate the 4th. I caught a couple of fireworks over the trees in the back yard when I took the dogs out. They were not too happy, but spent most of the evening inside next to me, so it was OK. I did listen to NPR's reading of the Declaration of Independence. I wish someone would to that with the Constitution. Way too many folks blather about what the "Founding Fathers" said when they have no clue.

I did clean the house. At least most of it. I still need to tackle Sean's room, but that's another weekend project. I cleaned the downstairs, vacuumed, steam-cleaned carpets and dusted. I was watching "Clean House: Messiest Houses" on the Fine Living Channel. It was great motivation. My house, even on its worst days, never looked liked these people's places.

Today I take on the yard and move some stuff around in the dining room.

eat dinner (done)
take the dog for a walk (done)
do laundry (done)
sign the paperwork for legal separation (done)
come home and cry (done, and done)

Second day all by myself. So far, so good. I can't muster up the ambition to clean the house, but I have at least cooked for myself the past two nights. Better than nothing.

Mom stopped by at work today and spent 3 hours. When I'm in the east lab, I'm usually by myself, so I was glad for the company, even if she's crazy. I'm worried about her memory. She seems to be suffering from dementia and it's getting worse. She has never been able to critically look at her actions and see how they affect others (don't I know!), and is genuinely hurt because she has managed to alienate so many of the people she really loves. I love her, but she makes me crazy. Her view of the world is so different from reality, it is hard to talk to her. I feel so sorry for her, when I'm not ready to kill her!

I need to mow the lawn, finish the dishes and generally pick up, but I just can't find energy. I wish I could just twitch my nose and have it all happen for me.

PS. I mowed the front and side yards and took the dog for a walk, so I did do something tonight.

Spent the weekend with my brother Paul's kids. Friday we went to see "Transformers 2" at the new movie multiplex in town. It was a fun movie, but the 4-year old had to pee 7 times! I forgot how challenging it was to take a small kid to the movies!

Saturday, Bo came up for Sean's concert at Western. They did a really good job. Then we packed Sean for Vegas and went to lunch. I think Sean had a really good time with his dad.

The kids were back last night and Sean did an excellent job of keeping the older two entertained. I watched Sponge Bob with Bryson. That was entertaining.

Today, Sean and I slept in late, then did some last minute packing before Bo picked him up for the airport. I hope he has a great time. I know he's nervous about flying by himself, but he deserves to have some real fun this summer. Poor kid has been through so much heartache brought on by some one else's actions. I just want him to play for a while.

I'm settling into single life. I don't particularly like it, but I don't really have much choice. This will be the longest time I've ever lived by myself in my life. I guess we all need to grow up someday. I'm still angry and hurt. Don't know if that will ever go away. Sometimes I think that is what is keeping me strong.

I have some new ideas for the dining room. I'm getting a smaller table with red upholstered chairs. I'm trading in the old, huge dining set for it. I also plan on replacing aztecknight's mother's buffet with a really cute cupboard from the basement that I've been dying to do something with for years now. The final result will be a sort of mid century farm house look with red gingham curtains. I think it will be cute.

I bought a window air conditioner for the upstairs today. I think, since it is an "energy-star" it will actually be cheaper to run than all of the fans I have going trying to get cool air up there. I'm really tired of being hot while trying to sleep. I HATE hot, especially at night.

I'm waiting for Jimmy John's for supper. They usually deliver within 15 minutes of ordering on-line. It rocks.

every thing is different.

I don't like it.

I'm not sure I will ever be able to forgive.

Sean and I now have a much more manageable tent for Civil War camping. I ordered a small trooper tent (A frame 6x8x9') and it fits in my Mazda. We no longer have to deal with the huge medieval hotel room and the 10 year-old minivan.

The Jacksonville reenactment starts today. We are heading down after work. I don't plan on falling off a horse, mostly because I don't plan on getting up on one. I do plan on cooking and sewing. I've got my cast iron and period cooking gear all ready to go. I'm also taking stuff from the garden. Should be a good time.

Sean has choir camp on Sunday afternoon, so we are leaving in the morning after breakfast to get back and ready for that. Fortunately, J'ville is only a little over an hour away.

It should be a fun weekend with some very good friends.

another list to get finished. I managed to get 7 out of 11 things accomplished tonight. I still have a few things I want to get done before this weekend. We'll see how it goes. I'm sleeping better, thanks to new meds. I'm very much enjoying zix123. He's such a wonderful son adn great company. He's really stepping up to the plate. I'm very grateful for him. He makes it all worth it.

Bills, lawnmowers and creepy guys.

It got better. Tabbouleh is really great comfort food.

OK, it's not really new, but it is cleaned out, with all of Bo's clothes gone and the furniture rearrainged.

Dawn came over this weekend, and besides having a wonderful time last night at the wine tasting, she helped schlep clothes and bags out of the closet and dressers. All of the stuff I can't wear anymore is going to the Salvation Army tomorrow. Everything I can wear is hung up or put away.

A few steps at a time.